Last year was a tough one. It was probably the most I’ve ever gone through in a period of 365 days–which can feel like an eternity when it’s not going as planned. I had a lot of personal things happening, I lost some friends, I experienced health issues (which thankfully ended well). I went through a lot that I’ve grown from, but it wasn’t without heartache.
It took me a long time to figure this out, but if there’s anything 2015 taught me, it’s that change is constant. It’s ever present in our lives, whether we like it or not. Friends come and go, and new friendships blossom. Relationships end. People move and move on. I learned that the past doesn’t necessarily have to dictate your future, but it can if you let it. Most importantly, I learned a lot about myself…and about the ways in which I still had so much to learn when it comes to loving myself.
And from there came the Year of You.
I’ve seen a lot about this on social media, YouTube, etc. It’s nothing crazy unique, and it’s as simple as it sounds. While I didn’t catch on to this until a month or two ago, I love the idea of it. Begin one year to work on yourself, whether that be physically, mentally, or in my case, emotionally.
This is the year I’m trying to love Taylor a little bit more–the one I don’t usually let show to anyone but Dom. Trying to forgive myself when I get too wrapped up in something, and trying to ease up when I beat myself up over something that’s out of my control. Trying to write more, whether publicly or privately, and be more open about my feelings without projecting negativity on myself or other people. Trying to be more present, more loving, more positive. More, more, more.
Some days it’s easy. Some days I wake up and it’s a breeze; Dom and I don’t exchange so much as a negative glance all day, the kids are perfect angels and Isla’s kisses are infinite, and I have incredible moments with friends who are more like family.
Some days don’t go that way at all. Some days I fail, or others fail me, and I eat shit on the way down.
I have a tendency to take hold a death grip on those days–the ones I don’t like talking about. The ones that show me the worst parts of myself with all the reminders of the ways I’ve fucked up or let people down or the ways other people have let me down, which I usually end up blaming myself for in the end. The days I let myself down. The days I don’t feel so worthy of love.
But those days are why I’m challenging myself to this Year of You. Or rather, this Year of Me.
For almost the full year in 2015, I loved myself a whole lot less, and so for the entire next year, I’m hoping to do the exact opposite. To feel content, driven, excited, and loved. To forgive, graciously move on, practice understanding, and to know when it’s time for a new chapter.
To, as Perks of Being a Wildflower quotes, accept the love I think I deserve…and to know that I deserve more than I sometimes accept.
It’s a lot of work, and I’m not always very good at it. But the point is, I’m trying.
We could all stand to take this next year–the Year of You–and work a little bit on ourselves. We’re worth it.