unfinished business

This morning I was talking to a friend about what I’ll call “unfinished business” for the sake of this post.

I’ve never been the kind of person to let go of things easily. I’m quick to forgive and even quicker to apologize (including when I’m not in the wrong), but if this year has shown me anything about myself, it’s that I have a hard time letting things go. This is something I already knew about myself; it’s the same reason I can’t help but reach out to old friends and old loves long after our relationship has ended, and it’s the same reason I write posts like this.

If there’s anything I never wanted to be, it’s someone who can’t move on. I hate being the person who dwells on the past long after we’ve moved into the future, but sometimes that’s just who I am. That being said, I think sometimes being the person who still remembers the old times–and has trouble letting them go–has its benefits.

For one, I tend to see things through rose-colored glasses…most of the time. While this isn’t always a good thing, it helps me remember the good in people even when all that’s left is bad. It reminds me of a great time I had with Person A or the way Person B always made me happy when we did such-and-such.

That being said, those rose-colored glasses can be a huge pain in the ass. They sometimes make me forget the reason for the relationship ending in the first place–something I should definitely remember in order to protect myself. Those glasses make me open myself up to being hurt again by people I shouldn’t have trusted in the first place. They make me feel like there is always some sort of unfinished business lying around–a reason to try to pursue a relationship with that person again even when it’s really not worth pursuing.

Actually having or just thinking I have unfinished business makes me wonder what’s left to fix instead of thinking about what I need to let go of. It can, understandably, be exhausting and oftentimes not worth it.

Regardless of the pros and cons of always trying to fix the past or rewrite history, I’m going to try to make it a resolution for the upcoming year to stop worrying so much about the past and focus more on living in the present. I’m always infinitely jealous of people who can move on completely and with no hard feelings when they’ve been burned or who can live their life without stressing over those who aren’t a part of their life anymore, but I’ve never been that kind of person.

Then again, maybe with a change of heart, I could be.