I have a really hard time saying no to people. Like my friend Shannon (who seems to have figured out the solution before I have; see number 20), this is something I need to work on.
Whether it’s an invitation to lunch, a play date, a visit, or a favor, I really struggle with telling people no when they ask me for something I’m not interested in. Even if it’s something I really don’t want to do, it’s hard for me to let people down. It’s hard for me to tell them to ask someone else; to look elsewhere; to try again in a week.
I often feel like I owe people something even if we hardly ever interact. Even when people have done me wrong, I wind up feeling sorry or guilty or pressured to agree to things I don’t really want to do. This, of course, leads to different issues all together; I say yes to something, want to cancel, and wind up looking flakey. I get frustrated. I get mad. I get to thinking about it later and realize how ridiculous the whole scenario is.
Why do we always feel like we have to say yes? Why do we think we have to attend dinners we don’t want to go to, answer texts from people we don’t want to talk to, and forgive those who we don’t want to forgive? Why can’t we just own it and tell them no? Even if we want to say no because we don’t feel like leaving the house that day, why is this not okay?
From now on, I’m going to practice my right to turn things down. I think it’s something we all need to learn. It would probably lead to fewer cancellations in the future, less anxiety, and more freedom to do what we want…or to do nothing at all.
Which is often exactly what I want to do.
Me and my boyfriend have this conversation ALL THE TIME! I’m older and with my age have learnt that saying no to things isn’t bad and doesn’t make you a bad person. He has not learnt this yet and always finds himself locked into things he doesn’t want to do. You also don’t have to give a reason as to why you have said no. No is enough, 🙂
I think it is something that definitely comes with age. The older I get, the less I worry about what other people think, and the more I worry about just making myself happy. My husband is the opposite of me and never wants to do anything with anyone (haha), so that makes it easy!
i think a lot of people struggle with this. I have learned to say no when it takes away from my own family time but yes if it’s helping someone out or they really need to talk. I think we need to find a balance 🙂
Very good point! I’m sort of the same way, but I do struggle with getting together with people and not saying no when I really have things I need to get done, etc, simply because I feel guilty.
I’ve learned when to say no (I’m overwhelmed) and to say yes when I recognize that someone needs my help or a just a friend to talk to. I think it’s all about balance
Agreed. 🙂 It’s just finding that balance that’s difficult — and getting past saying yes simply because I feel guilty!
I use to be a people pleaser so I found myself in the same boat. But, I’ve learned that life is so much better when I say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things!
So true!
I also have problems saying no! I hate feeling guilty about it.
Same! That’s my biggest issue, but there’s no reason to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your family or to have some alone time. 🙂
My trouble is that my love language is Acts of Service so I’m always busy and will go out my way to do stuff for other people which usually ends up with me a little stressed trying to do all the things I was supposed to do. Recently I drove out of my way to give a complete stranger directions because it was easier for them to follow me to their destination than me give the directions. Yeah I know so wierd lol.
Haha well you sound like an incredibly nice person! 🙂
I think we all struggle to say no and take too much on from time to time. I think that we have to be kind to ourselves and really learn the art of saying no.
Agreed. 🙂
I totally hear you! I have a similar issue I guess although I also find it hard to say no to myself! Living with an illness has changed me. In one respect I want to be a warrior and fight every niggle, every pain and “carry on regardless”. Live how I want to live but realistically living that way causes the niggles to get worse, the pain to be prolonged and eventually I become too ill to do anything at all. Sometimes saying no just HAS to be done whether I want to or not. I have to prioritise. I hate letting people down, I don’t like letting myself down but what what I hope they all accept is that I despise being in pain, I am terrified of long hospital stays (longest to date is a month) and I need to sometimes be selfish and think of what I can do. I guess I have learnt a valuable lesson since being ill. EVERY choice in life be it good or bad has an affect on your physical and mental wellbeing! Xxx
I have this same issue although for me it’s also a problem of not saying no to myself too! I hate letting people down and saying no to them but I also hate making myself ill. I think you might have just given me an idea for a blog post as part of my June series related to my brain condition. Please can I link you (this blog) into it? Xxx
Please do!! Send it to me after you’ve posted it, too. 🙂 taylor@taylorbasilio.com
I can completely relate to you as I struggle to say no to certain things, especially when it comes to work related duties I shouldn’t be doing. I’m trying to be more firmer though.
Hang in there! It gets easier.
I need to learn to say no as well. I’m always doing something for somebody, and never have time to do stuff for myself.
Same! Or I was, anyway. I’ve really been practicing this whole idea lately.
I wrote about something similar in one of my blog posts (Simplicity and Your Social Life). Once you become comfortable with saying no, you will find so much inner peace!
Aww thanks for sharing! Checking it out now. I’m looking forward to finding that inner peace without feeling guilty.
I’m totally with you on this- I’ve really been trying hard lately to say no more often. I feel a little guilty but have been better off because of it.
I agree completely! I think people are sensitive to friends or family saying no to them once in awhile which makes it hard — but it’s also necessary for our sanity!
Saying ‘no’ isn’t easy, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll love the feeling of being less stressed and enjoy the quiet time. I am rather fond of saying no!
I do say no sometimes, but it’s hard to back it up!
I know what you mean! Gotta stick to your guns though.
This is one of the hardest things to learn, but it’s one of the best things to learn and it’s certainly OK to say no.
Agreed!