It’s something all of us strive for, right? But what if becoming a better person means you have to face — and take responsibility for — all your demons?
It’s not as simple as recognizing deep down inside what you’ve done; who you are; the mistakes you’ve made. I’ve tried that path, and I can tell you first-hand that it doesn’t work. You can journal, pray, blog, or beg for forgiveness in your own mind, but I’ve personally found that the only way to start fresh is to admit out loud who you are. To take responsibility for your demons and your actions and your past. To drown yourself in the bad things you’ve done…because only then can you come up for air. Only then are you admitting the person you are is better left behind you. Only then will the guilt screaming at you in your head, trying to burst out through your vocal cords, quiet itself.
Starting anew is refreshing, but damn, if it isn’t hard. We all want to spring clean our souls and follow our resolutions, but we wonder days or weeks or months later why we’ve fallen short. Some of us hate our past, some of us are embarrassed, and some of us are simply disappointed, restless, and so, so exhausted. So we make more promises we can’t keep. We want the ending, but we don’t want to do the work.
After so many times where I’ve sworn this was it — that this time, I would change — I’m forcing myself to do the work. I’m forcing myself to own up to what I’ve done, who I’ve been, and the dark thoughts I’ve found myself wrestling with for years. I’ll admit, it’s scary. It’s scary to not know how the world around you will react when you take off your mask, but it’s worth it.
After all, don’t we all just want a fresh start?