Today I was lucky enough to be able to get lunch with a friend I’ve had for nine years. We don’t see each other often, but things are always the same when we do get around to hanging out. I haven’t seen her since April 2012, so among plenty of news and excitement, there was also my pregnancy to celebrate.
Officially, I have been pregnant for 13 weeks and 5 days. Her first question when seeing me was “do you feel different?” Since the pregnancy, this question has been sprung on me a lot. I would like to say that I do feel different, but in all reality, everything is the same…except for the fact that in not so many months, I will bring a small human into this world. Kind of unreal.
I read a lot of blogs. Mostly, they are about crafting, recipes, homemaking, and sometimes motherhood. One of my favorite blogs is a combination of the four. Her posts are glow-y and wonderful and full of the excitement of being a mom, but when she was pregnant, she had a blog post that really resonated with me. It talked about her fear of not “being enough” for her baby; the fear that her baby would need more than just her.
I, too, have this fear. I am not the most patient person, I struggle to survive on little sleep and much frustration, and I can have a pretty bad temper. I often wonder whether or not I will be a good mom; whether or not these are things I will just “get over.” After nannying for quite awhile, I know that I can put up with a lot, but I was always able to go home by 6pm. With motherhood, there is no 6pm for 18+ years. Do we really have the patience for that?
In the midst of all this, my attention is also drawn towards holidays. Birthday parties. Parks. Deep belly laughs. Lopsided pigtails or tiny baseball caps. Family walks and one-of-a-kind moments. With so much to look forward to, my fear is subsided.
And we have so much to look forward to.